the human experience.
i just watched a documentary on netflix called the human experience. thanks to my friend rob my eyes have been opened to the great value of documentaries. don't get me wrong, i enjoy a good harry potter movie as much as the next guy (or girl), but a film that investigates a particular subject in depth and how the subject is experienced in life really gets me going. in this film, a young man and his brother set out to experience what life is like in other people's shoes. they live homeless on the streets of ny. they care for disabled children in peru. they meet with lepers in africa. and they reflect on their own life experiences growing up in brooklyn. seeing all the different cultures and people around the world gave me a desire to go see it for myself. i feel like i have forgotten that people speak other languages besides english and spanish. that there are people who actually, literally don't have homes. there are people who suffer from starvation and lost limbs and segregation. 


love.
as a theatre major in college, i often heard about and talked about "the human experience." the things that each of us have in common naturally. one of the religious leaders that was taped said something very interesting about suffering, something that we each face in some capacity. he said something about jesus christ and how on the cross there was a meeting, a meshing of suffering and love. that idea struck me powerfully. his suffering made his love more complete. his love would have been "less than" had he not suffered because the nature of love is to give something of yourself for the good of someone else. and what greater thing could one give to another but his own flesh and his very life? in this way, suffering can be seen as a good. the highest form of love involves suffering because it is selfless. this makes me think of the verse that says there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.


value.
another thing this film did to me was attack my pride full force. i have always wanted to be someone who is known for doing great things. i crave competition, and love to win. at anything. at everything. and since i have graduated i have constantly thought about all the great things i have to get done to feel like i've lived a worthwhile life in the end. i constantly look at other people's lives and think "i can do better than that." "i can make more money than that." "i can be a better person than that person." "i matter more." i have at least sub-conciously, if not conciously, belittled anyone who is "less than" me. homeless people. people who are less intelligent than me. people who are not morally picture-perfect. people who work at walmart or heb. and even people of different races. just because. watching this film made me more aware of all the complications that are involved in life. it made me consider the fact that every living person is a brother or sister of mine, and what life might be like if i thought about them in that way. every person is of value just because they exist. just because they breathe and have life. it is both convicting and comforting to understand that other people and i are all great and valuable and loveable no matter our circumstances, good or bad. 

what a gem.

i found this while deleting old files from my computer today. this is a letter that i had to write from my freshman self to my graduated self. i'm so glad i found it at this point in time! enjoy.

Dear Carissa,

            I hope you are satisfied with the use you’ve made of your time here at Baylor University. You didn’t really start out with a clear idea of what you wanted to accomplish, that’s for sure. I’d consider you successful if you’re graduating with any degree from this school and if you’re sure you’ve made the most out of every opportunity you’ve decided to pursue. I’m a freshman and can already see the amazing opportunities that lie ahead and all the wonderful people who will have a positive influence on you in the next four years. Getting used to college life is a lot more difficult than I expected, and time management is a bit of an issue at the moment. But I hope that once I master that skill I’ll be able to make the most effective use of my time here. I don’t want to waste a penny.

            Everyone keeps reminding me that college will be the best part of my life, and I hope it has been for you. I’m sure it has been. A boy in my University 1000 class the other day said that one of his professors told him, “Don’t play too much, and don’t study too much.” I hope you have done just that. I didn’t come to college to merely make good grades and absorb all the knowledge I can, though that is the main idea. I also came to discover who I am and what I can do for this world, what impact I can have with the knowledge I will have gained. You have the tools you need to do just that at this point. Go.

                                                                                                            Yours Truly,

                                                                                                            Carissa